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Very important poll for you - no, really!

So, I love doing polls, because I actually learn a lot about my flist and the world around me. *cue flutes and scampering bunnies* But really, I do. And I love when people realize that I'm just a wonk with a keyboard and don't get all bowed up about accuracy, etc., as if I am being scientific or academic in any way. HINT: I'm not. I'm just a curious journaler with a thirst for knowledge.

There's a problem I've been faced with recently, and I'm interested in the general/median opinion on this particular subject. Hang in there with me.

Parent A gives Child C a vehicle for their birthday, a vehicle that is fairly new, energy efficient, and well maintained. Child C cannot drive car without an adult for several more weeks due to a quirky state law, but Child C often wants to practice their driving throughout the week. Parent A has their own vehicle, albeit an inefficient car, gas-wise.

The problem: Parent A continually takes Child C's car to work, to run errands, etc. because "it's energy efficient and it's just sitting there," often not asking permission because they "bought it." This leaves Child C without the opportunity to practice their driving with Parent B.
Poll #1918724 When is a Gift not a Gift?

Parent A taking car as they will is:

absolutely acceptable; they paid for it.
absolutely acceptable; it's energy efficient and that's the bottom line.
problematic, but not wrong.
wrong; a gift was given, ergo unlimited access isn't implicit.
wrong, without asking permission regardless of the "gift" status. One should always ask, that's the only valid issue.

*belly rumble*

Fancy sandwich, duh!
Hangy boogers n flies.
tacos. Always tacos.
anything edible at this point just consume!

I want to stress that Child C is INCREDIBLE grateful and gracious about their gift, so ixnay that from the discussion.

IN OTHER NEWS: I want to remind the public at large that at Hey, Don't Judge Me, we exist to be a place where fans can happily and safely talk about things we love. Not that people can't be critical, just don't be a dick about it. HAVING SAID THAT, my writers work very hard and for NO MONEY at what they do. And if someone leaves them a jerky or hateful comment (especially when it's clear that person is just furthering their agenda without even bothering to understand my writer's POV) they will be called out publicly, and then they will be banned.

I want people to feel safe when they get into discussions. I want people to have ONE PLACE on the internet where they can love things without fear of being made fun of or attacked for loving something in a fannish way. More than that? I want my writers to feel safe expressing their fannish love. That's the whole point.

So for all of you that respect that (either by joining in or staying away) THANK YOU.


Jun. 12th, 2013 05:01 pm (UTC)
We recently bought a "new" used car for cindergirl's use, but made it clear to her that it is not her car, it is our car that we will let her use at our discretion. :-) Because that's just how we roll - and we have another kid that will be driving it in a year or so, too. BUT, if it had been a gift, then it would be her car, IMO, and that's that. However, I can see cinderhub very much resembling Parent A in that scenario. ;-)
Jun. 12th, 2013 05:09 pm (UTC)
I think the way you handled the car is fantastic, actually. This particular car for #2 was given to her, to be HER car. (Her brother doesn't have access to drive it, explicitly stated.)

It's making #2 very unhappy to not have access to it to practice during the day, and I don't know that she feels like she can say, "But you gave it to me?"

I'm of the mindset that a gift given is just that: a gift. THANK YOU for your input!
Jun. 12th, 2013 05:48 pm (UTC)
This is pretty much what I was going to say. I was "given" a car in high school, but understood that it was still my parents' car, and I was driving it because they didn't want to chauffer me around. When my folks gave me a car as a college graduation gift, it was understood to be MY car, and if Mom or Dad had taken it without asking me, I would have been very upset.

And you know, even if it's not HER car (which it sounds like it is in Stoney's case), it's good to model behavior that you want to see, i.e. asking permission to use something that at least nominally belongs to someone else. That's just good manners. Even if it's a shared car, giving the other person a heads up is the right thing to do.
Jun. 12th, 2013 05:54 pm (UTC)
Yes yes - when it's "This is bought for the family and is the one, when you ask to borrow a car, that will be yours after approval given" that's one thing.

...but this came with a red bow and the explicitly stated, "This is yours."

These are all great responses and things for me to think about, THANK YOU!!


Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

Time Wot It Is

April 2017
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