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Very important poll for you - no, really!

So, I love doing polls, because I actually learn a lot about my flist and the world around me. *cue flutes and scampering bunnies* But really, I do. And I love when people realize that I'm just a wonk with a keyboard and don't get all bowed up about accuracy, etc., as if I am being scientific or academic in any way. HINT: I'm not. I'm just a curious journaler with a thirst for knowledge.

There's a problem I've been faced with recently, and I'm interested in the general/median opinion on this particular subject. Hang in there with me.

Parent A gives Child C a vehicle for their birthday, a vehicle that is fairly new, energy efficient, and well maintained. Child C cannot drive car without an adult for several more weeks due to a quirky state law, but Child C often wants to practice their driving throughout the week. Parent A has their own vehicle, albeit an inefficient car, gas-wise.

The problem: Parent A continually takes Child C's car to work, to run errands, etc. because "it's energy efficient and it's just sitting there," often not asking permission because they "bought it." This leaves Child C without the opportunity to practice their driving with Parent B.
Poll #1918724 When is a Gift not a Gift?

Parent A taking car as they will is:

absolutely acceptable; they paid for it.
6(4.6%)
absolutely acceptable; it's energy efficient and that's the bottom line.
4(3.1%)
problematic, but not wrong.
16(12.2%)
wrong; a gift was given, ergo unlimited access isn't implicit.
37(28.2%)
wrong, without asking permission regardless of the "gift" status. One should always ask, that's the only valid issue.
68(51.9%)

*belly rumble*

Nachos.
30(20.1%)
Fancy sandwich, duh!
33(22.1%)
SOUPS.
19(12.8%)
Hangy boogers n flies.
2(1.3%)
tacos. Always tacos.
36(24.2%)
anything edible at this point just consume!
29(19.5%)


I want to stress that Child C is INCREDIBLE grateful and gracious about their gift, so ixnay that from the discussion.

IN OTHER NEWS: I want to remind the public at large that at Hey, Don't Judge Me, we exist to be a place where fans can happily and safely talk about things we love. Not that people can't be critical, just don't be a dick about it. HAVING SAID THAT, my writers work very hard and for NO MONEY at what they do. And if someone leaves them a jerky or hateful comment (especially when it's clear that person is just furthering their agenda without even bothering to understand my writer's POV) they will be called out publicly, and then they will be banned.

I want people to feel safe when they get into discussions. I want people to have ONE PLACE on the internet where they can love things without fear of being made fun of or attacked for loving something in a fannish way. More than that? I want my writers to feel safe expressing their fannish love. That's the whole point.

So for all of you that respect that (either by joining in or staying away) THANK YOU.

Comments

fiveandfour
Jun. 12th, 2013 07:15 pm (UTC)
It's kind of funny how the people we feel most comfortable with (family or otherwise) are the ones for whom we do the least as respects honoring the Golden Rule. It's even more extreme when it comes to the parent-child relationship: behaviors which are usually "right" or "wrong" get all muddled up because of the relative power each person in the relationship owns.

In this case, I know as the parent who bought the car, I would *absolutely* be tempted to go with the "I bought it" logic and want to use the car when it was going to be just sitting around anyway.

However, some recent events and pondering for my own family brought me to the conclusion that because a child's model for all relationships is the one that exists with his or her parents, the fair thing to do is not abuse that power differential.

I would be pretty steamed if my husband took my car without advance notice (I've got *stuff* in there - what if I need it?), especially if it were newly mine and I was still in the honeymoon phase, so why would I not think a kid would feel any different? Once a child reaches a certain age, provided that there aren't issues that would preclude it (health, disciplinary issues, immaturity, etc.), it seems only right to demonstrate the same respect for their point of view and feelings as I want demonstrated for mine.

Plus, if I want my child to take ownership of her possessions - treat them with respect, maintain and clean them, deal with the negative aspects of owning that thing and not just enjoy the positive aspects - I think that sense of ownership can be severely undercut if I exercise rights of imminent domain with little to no recognition of her rights as the property owner.

So. I think it's wrong to take without asking, though I certainly understand the mindset of the parent.
stoney321
Jun. 12th, 2013 08:18 pm (UTC)
"because a child's model for all relationships is the one that exists with his or her parents, the fair thing to do is not abuse that power differential"

I want to have that tattooed across my heart.

Basically, everything you've said here is plus 1, *click* like, hugging it to my bones in agreement.
kuzu_no_ha
Jun. 13th, 2013 01:05 am (UTC)
Yes!!!

Tags

Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

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