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:(

Today is not a good day. It's kind of a culmination of several bad days weeks months in a row. Feeling isolated and lonely and without options is just about the suckiest thing to suck, and all of my close girlfriends (the ones I don't have to explain myself to, don't have to filter myself to) live in other states. That makes me feel trapped like whoa.

Everyone that I've been friends with here in my town has pretty much dropped me because of all the struggles with the family. No one wants to have to deal with it, I get it. Shit, *I* don't want to deal with all the drama in my life over the past 8 months. But the solution to these well-meaning at first folk is to get me to go to parties. Where everyone seems to miraculously know intimate details I've only shared with one person. So yeah, not really feeling it. Not to mention that I don't WANT to be in a giant party of no real connection.

Since I don't want to only associate with who I believed were my friends in a giant social setting, I no longer hear from anyone. Fuck, I just want to go have lunch with someone I care about and have a good time, I don't want to go to some giant cocktail party with people I don't know. I just want someone to give me a hug, JFC.

So I do nothing, and haven't done anything with anyone other than my immediate family for 8 months now, and I'm going a little crazy as a result.



Everyone in the family is gone for the weekend, which should make me happy because hey! Quiet house to myself, that's a rarity! Except I have no desire to write (what I would normally do in this situation) because quite honestly, no one gives a shit about the stuff I'm writing (I can't even get trusted FAMILY MEMBERS to read some of the things I'm working on and tell me anything about it - even that it sucks. They just...won't read it.), which makes it very hard to care about it myself. Wah, wah, poor white girl with a roof over her head, I know. I make myself eyeroll, too, and this is not the journal you signed up for.

Pleh. It's just one of those "why bother? With anything?" sort of days, but I seem to be having them a LOT lately.

ION, I plan on making this for my dinner because no one will eat them before I get a chance to. If avocado fries can't cheer me up...

UGH I GROSS MYSELF OUT SORRY.

Maybe I should create an alter-ego and fight crime. Or turn tricks. Or turn tricks while fighting crime. It's good to be ambitious, I hear? =P

/insert OMG do I try gold star

Comments

altyronsmaker
Jun. 14th, 2013 06:55 pm (UTC)
Ugh. People really freakin' suck sometimes. I'm sorry your friends are letting you down right now when you really need a trustworthy support system. You're having a pretty difficult time and have been for a while and people you trusted have let you down. If you didn't succumb to the stress of it at least once in a while, you wouldn't be human. But you are human. One of the better humans I've had the pleasure to encounter.

Screw the weaklings who can't handle being a friend to a friend in need. They suck.
stoney321
Jun. 14th, 2013 09:45 pm (UTC)
That whole saying about "you find out who your friends are" is an apt (and unhappy) one. But boy, is it true.

*leans against your shoulder* Thank you for this, it really does make me feel better to hear from people that I'm not just going bananas or something. [I mean, I *am* bananas, but you get my point. :) ]

Tags

Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

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