I can't let this go. Help me, Flist.
I saw my son open a packaged Kit-Kat bar and he BIT ALL FOUR AT ONCE, SHOVING LIKE HALF IN HIS MOUTH.
What kind of monster have I raised??
Didn't snap off any. Didn't peel the layers. JUST BIT INTO ALL FOUR LIKE HE HAD THE RIGHT. Like there aren't rules about this. It's just really upsetting me.
*snerk*
In happier news, I was cleaning up an odd pile of mish-mash and found a letter from the BFF from our college days. Inside was a newspaper clipping that I will repeat verbatim here (extra commas and all). I would like to state that this was from a small town Utah paper and NOT FROM THE ONION. NOR IS IT A DEEP THOUGHT BY JACK HANDY.
"When I am really depressed, I don't cry- I get a fudge brownie. I don't care if something really bad happens in my life, as long as I have a nice, thick fudge brownie to eat. Sometimes, when I eat brownies, I think of my old house before it burned down, and the kitchen where my sister and I used to fight over who would get to use the phone first, and eat brownies with whipped cream and spray each other with whipped cream." -Kandra [last name redacted], 14
O_O Bless.
I saw my son open a packaged Kit-Kat bar and he BIT ALL FOUR AT ONCE, SHOVING LIKE HALF IN HIS MOUTH.
What kind of monster have I raised??
Didn't snap off any. Didn't peel the layers. JUST BIT INTO ALL FOUR LIKE HE HAD THE RIGHT. Like there aren't rules about this. It's just really upsetting me.
*snerk*
In happier news, I was cleaning up an odd pile of mish-mash and found a letter from the BFF from our college days. Inside was a newspaper clipping that I will repeat verbatim here (extra commas and all). I would like to state that this was from a small town Utah paper and NOT FROM THE ONION. NOR IS IT A DEEP THOUGHT BY JACK HANDY.
"When I am really depressed, I don't cry- I get a fudge brownie. I don't care if something really bad happens in my life, as long as I have a nice, thick fudge brownie to eat. Sometimes, when I eat brownies, I think of my old house before it burned down, and the kitchen where my sister and I used to fight over who would get to use the phone first, and eat brownies with whipped cream and spray each other with whipped cream." -Kandra [last name redacted], 14
O_O Bless.
- Spock is::
shocked
'Oos dis bint, then?
stoney321- Laura Stone
- Hey, Don't Judge Me
Comments
Yes there are rules to this sort of thingIt was still attached to the plastic wrapping.
At least he took it out of the foil?
He was at least 8 years old.
...yeah, I got nothing.
BUT SERIOUSLY, ONLY A MONSTER WOULD EAT IT THAT WAY. There's no hope for him, no hope at all. ;)
And, um, at least she has brownies? It's the little things in life...
BUT STILL. HOW. HOW CAN YOU EAT A KIT-KAT BAR IN SUCH A WAY? I would feel like I had my pants on backwards and two different types of shoes on.
OMG, the brownies. WOW. So amazing.
That brownie story is ten kinds of adorable.
The brownie story...wow. It's so perfectly small town Utah. GOT A PROBLEM? HAVE DESSERT AND IGNORE IT.
It's all very sad. What are the younger generation coming to? What do they teach them in these schools?
Still, it seems the brownie eater did not derive an enormous amount from education either. Perhaps your son will one day see the light.
Why are these schools filling their heads with nonsense like math and reading when there are important LIFE SKILLS BEING IGNORED. Harumph!
OMG, I am shaking and sobbing over the knowledge that you get so angry in life that you BREAK THE RULES OF CANDY BAR EATING. *holds you*
Is that wrong? Do I need therapy to cure this? plz help
Sincerely,
Meticulously Methodical Masticator
Wow. I knew kids could be animals, but this takes it to a whole new level...
Clearly he needs to be thrown out onto the street to fend for himself.
I mean, if I had my druthers, THE WORLD WOULD BE COATED IN CARAMEL.
Oh god, Kandra's life sounds filled with tragedy and sadness. Also, now I want a brownie.
Hopefully the memories evoked by your brownie's chocolatey goodness will not revolve around Baudelaire Orphan-esque tragedies.
Kandra, I hope you're doing well somewhere in the world.
Oh, sweet Kandra... I fear Big Pharma may have taken her out for her folksy-wisdom challenging their products.
1. Loosen the seal of the paper wrapping and neatly fold the paper back.
2. With a thumbnail, score the foil wrapping between the two bars. If there are more than two bars, only score the foil adjacent to the one you'll eat.
3. Gently (!) break off one piece, and rewrap the foil and paper over the remaining piece/s.
4. Nibble the jagged chocolate from the broken side.
5. Nibble the chocolate from the ends.
Then it's a bit free-form, whether I'm in the mood for licking more chcolate, or whether I'm ready for wafers, or if it's a hot day and most of the chocolate is already on me, or if a sibling is being tortured because they ate theirs in one bite like some feral beast.
If it's a TimTam, follow steps 4-5, then
6. Stick one end in a cup of coffee or glass of booze or cup of coffee with booze in it (I like Amaretto), and stick the other end in your mouth.
7. Suck, nibble, suck, nibble, gobble the last boozy, slightly soggy mouthful before it collapses into the event horizon.
I'm just...so ashamed. So ashamed.
Kit kats are to be SAVORED.I tried to eat all four at once and let me tell you, it did not taste the same.
Maybe he can't handle the four? Start with the little kit kats that come in the bag? There are only 2 sections. He can work his way through the bag and when he can safely and properly eat the two, he can try again at the four.
I mean, clearly I need to look into special schools and tutors, or something. How could I have gone so wrong as a mother?????
I felt like I was reading a grammatically challenged Dostoevsky - "Notes From A Bake Shop". Poor Kandra.
Edited at 2013-09-25 03:32 pm (UTC)
(omg, lol at Dostoevsky!)