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WARNING: Unsettling content to follow.

I can't let this go. Help me, Flist.

I saw my son open a packaged Kit-Kat bar and he BIT ALL FOUR AT ONCE, SHOVING LIKE HALF IN HIS MOUTH.

What kind of monster have I raised??

Didn't snap off any. Didn't peel the layers. JUST BIT INTO ALL FOUR LIKE HE HAD THE RIGHT. Like there aren't rules about this. It's just really upsetting me.


In happier news, I was cleaning up an odd pile of mish-mash and found a letter from the BFF from our college days. Inside was a newspaper clipping that I will repeat verbatim here (extra commas and all). I would like to state that this was from a small town Utah paper and NOT FROM THE ONION. NOR IS IT A DEEP THOUGHT BY JACK HANDY.

"When I am really depressed, I don't cry- I get a fudge brownie. I don't care if something really bad happens in my life, as long as I have a nice, thick fudge brownie to eat. Sometimes, when I eat brownies, I think of my old house before it burned down, and the kitchen where my sister and I used to fight over who would get to use the phone first, and eat brownies with whipped cream and spray each other with whipped cream." -Kandra [last name redacted], 14

O_O Bless.


Sep. 25th, 2013 03:15 am (UTC)
I had to sit down; I feel faint.

1. Loosen the seal of the paper wrapping and neatly fold the paper back.
2. With a thumbnail, score the foil wrapping between the two bars. If there are more than two bars, only score the foil adjacent to the one you'll eat.
3. Gently (!) break off one piece, and rewrap the foil and paper over the remaining piece/s.
4. Nibble the jagged chocolate from the broken side.
5. Nibble the chocolate from the ends.

Then it's a bit free-form, whether I'm in the mood for licking more chcolate, or whether I'm ready for wafers, or if it's a hot day and most of the chocolate is already on me, or if a sibling is being tortured because they ate theirs in one bite like some feral beast.

If it's a TimTam, follow steps 4-5, then
6. Stick one end in a cup of coffee or glass of booze or cup of coffee with booze in it (I like Amaretto), and stick the other end in your mouth.
7. Suck, nibble, suck, nibble, gobble the last boozy, slightly soggy mouthful before it collapses into the event horizon.
Sep. 25th, 2013 12:38 pm (UTC)
I read this nodding my head so hard I almost dislodged vertebrae. THIS IS PRECISELY HOW THEY SHOULD BE EATEN.

I'm just...so ashamed. So ashamed.


Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

Time Wot It Is

April 2017
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