Laura Stone (stoney321) wrote,
Laura Stone

  • Mood:

Giant list of things expected of me on a daily basis.

  • make sure all persons in the house wake up

  • make sure all persons in the house eat, take meds, get out the door on time

  • keep all persons in the house positive (or at least not irritating others)

  • feed all animals

  • make sure all animals have fresh water (yes, these two things are a child's chore. And yet.)

  • make sure all kids have homework/prepared for tests/have lunches

  • make sure there is food in the house

  • determine dinner plans

  • make kids have a freaking coat when it's cold/aren't wearing black cashmere/wool when it's hot

  • double check all appointments for the day

  • relay important information to various family members so we're all aware of each other's locations throughout the day

  • keep the house clean

  • (laundry, floors, piles, stairs clear, front porch, front entry, tables, any available surface upon which shit can be dropped)

  • (sometimes literally)

  • (I'm giving you some serious stink eye, Sally Dog)

  • make future appointments (medical, dental, eye, therapy, ARD, etc)

  • take children to all appointments

  • endure every waiting room in the DFW area

  • call in prescriptions

  • pick up prescriptions

  • soothe wounded hearts

  • calm fiery tempers

  • break up fights

  • discipline humans after said fights

  • make people love each other (or at least respect/tolerate one another)

  • arrange college visits

  • prod child to download/fill out college applications

  • remind children daily of their freaking chores

  • go behind children and redo their chores because nothing else is working and I just want things DONE omg

  • create healthy meals

  • keep house stocked at all times of food because my kids apparently have tapeworms and/or hollow legs

  • maintain a healthy kitchen: fridge/pantry

  • maintain clean bathrooms and kitchen in case of surprise visitors

  • entertain surprise visitors (food, smiles, conversation, hiding of animals for idiots who are scared of my big, stupid, sweet dog)

  • manage bank accounts

  • answer every god damn question under the sun

  • try not to murder child for asking every god damn question under the sun

  • maintain the garden because our neighbors are dickbags and think my plants are possibly weeds (they're not)

  • call the HOA and tell them that Mexican Feather Grass is not a weed, it's a plant, and if I get one more fucking call about "weeds in my garden" I'm going to resort to tire slashing

  • also they need to stop wasting water in our neighborhood by shutting off the sprinklers when it rains

  • maybe by planting Mexican Feather Grass

  • smile sweetly

  • drive children to every possible location on the planet earth at the drop of a hat

  • be prepared to replace entire wardrobes at a moment's notice because I mated with a giant

  • sign up for all the UIL/PTO/booster clubs

  • duck out of volunteering for UIL/PTO/booster clubs because ain't nobody got time for that (by which I mean I am nobody)

  • host/plan all Holiday meals

  • have entire family history stored on the occasion that facts need to be recalled for [_blank_] reason

  • be charming

  • care for the stray ducklings that come to hide under my feathers on occasion

  • know where every item in the house is at any time because no one else knows how to find things, apparently

  • help plan future goals for children

  • help children ACHIEVE future goals

  • bolster husband's spirits because men apparently are WAY more delicate than I was led to believe, I'm looking at you John McClane

Yeah. Don't tell me that stay at home moms sit on our asses and have the easy life. This post brought to you by an seeming innocuous comment from my husband this morning about how he "just can't do everything around here, Laura," because I wanted him to call in about getting a repairman to fix the spa heater.

Tags: ive lost my mind, wtf no seriously wtf?

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