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Lobster macaroni and cheese

YOU READ THAT CORRECTLY. It's always time for that. Unless you just finished running a marathon and it's 115F outside. That's probably not when you want to eat this. BUT ALL OTHER TIMES = YES.

I played with Ina Garten's recipe because she is awesome and I want to sit in her lap and have her read me a bedtime story and feed me cookies. But let's get back to lobster and pasta.

I had some frozen lobster tails - courtesy of a kind coworker of the Mr - and wanted to do something decadent. Bisque? Screw that. MAMA WANT CHEESE. I didn't have Gruyere on hand, and it was negative witch's teat outside, so I didn't want to go to the store, so I improvised and loved how it turned out.

1 pound of dry pasta (I used cavatappi)
1 qt milk (950 ml) and I used 1%
6 TBSP butter
1/2 C AP flour
12 oz. Gruyere or Fontina - something melty and soft and nommy, grated
8 oz. sharp Cheddar, grated
1/2 tsp black pepper
1/2 tsp freshly grated nutmeg ALWAYS GO FOR FRESH YOU WILL THANK ME LATER
1 TBSP (that's correct) of salt (I used my fancy-schmancy William-Sonoma Black Truffle Salt. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND THIS.)
1/2 - 2 lb. lobster (use what you got; you like lots? Use lots! You like less? Don't cook for me.)
Panko/bread crumbs

Preheat oven to 375F.

Pour a nice glass of wine. I'm fond of this delicious Riesling with seafood. Or cheese. Or crackers. Or soup. Or peanuts I've pulled out of the sofa cushions. (I'm kidding. I give those to the kids.) Chop your lobster tails into chunks. Mine was still slightly frozen, but that's not a problem. You'll see why in a minute.

Set a big pot of water to boil for the pasta. Get your cheese grated. Put your milk in a small saucepan on the stove and get it warm. Simmering is fine, but DO NOT BOIL. Are you...did you let it boil? Why? I just said not to. Well, this whole thing is ruined. *throws everything onto the floor*

I'm sorry. I clearly need another glass of wine. *tops your glass off, too*

Okay, don't let the milk boil. Get a nice big Windsor pan (or something wide and open. Like your mom. I AM SORRY. I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. *pours us more wine* Seriously. Seriously, this is good stuff. Right? RIIIIIGHT? Okay. Pan. Butter in the pan. Put the butter in there. Wait, cut it into pieces so it melts better. Or just.. here, gimmie a wooden spoon and I'll smash it with the edge. Is the heat on medium? Well why the hell-

Oh, I didn't say to do that. PUT THE HEAT ON MEDIUM. Melt the butter. Add the flour. Don't just- Can you at least sprinkle that over the butter instead of just glooping it in there? Whisk it in, whisk it all nice and together and let it simmer for about two minutes. We don't want a dark roux, just enough to thicken the milk.

Put your lobster bits in your strainer. Drain the pasta over that, drain it well, use your elbow to shove the black kitty away, he'll just keep coming back to check the smell because he's rotten like that, and put it back in your pasta pot to sit. No, not the cat, the pasta.

Gimmie a sip of your wine. Because mine's all gone, that's why! Send the Mr. to open us up a new bottle then. HTank you. Seriously. Seriously. You're my favorite did you know? You are! Okay, okay, milk is cooking, shh. I have to get focused. Okay. Whisk the roux and slowly pour the milk in. Can you do that for me? Thank you. Slowly- okay, it's all whisked together, keep stirring it while it thickens, about two minutes. If you didn't heat your milk this will take a long time. If you BOILED your milk you are dead to me.

Pull it off the heat and add in the cheeses in stages, mixing it really well until it's creamy. Oh my god look at that. LOOK AT THAT. Add the pepper, nutmeg and the black truffle salt. HOLY SNACK BALLS THAT SMELLS AMAZING, RIGHT!? SO good. So, so good. Pour all of this over your pasta/lobster, mix it well, put in a casserole dish, and go find the panko crumbs, shoot, I forgot those.

Well, they're in the pantry. Black box. BLACK BOX. It says.. CHRIST, it says PANKO ON IT. It's on the- right there. RIGHT BY YOUR FACE HOW ARE YOU NOT SEEING THAT?!

(Oh my god, stop letting my husband help us. This is us time, okay? I need this. I need more wine, too. Oh my god, I love you so much.)

Cover the top with the Panko, bake for 30 - 35 minutes, or until the top is all crispity-crunchy, we're moaning over the oven, and it's all bubbly.

Meanwhile, let's have more wine. Can I play with your hair? You have fabulous hair. Seriously. Seriously.

IS THAT NOT THE BEST SMELL EVER? And the answer is yes. It is. Next time, we'll make this in individual ramekins or something so the crunch to cream ratio is EVEN GREATER.

...I made an embarrassing sound, didn't I? YEAH, WELL YOU TASTE IT AND TELL ME--

See?! I know. It's awesome. You're awesome. Wine is awesome.

If you don't like the way I write recipes, well, that's because you like things "coherent" and "organized." Whatever.

Also, I'm...liking a LOT of Teen Wolf this season, even if there is stuff that is problematic. I mean, the showrunner is awful, but the show? Not shabby. (And I'm avoiding the LOADS of wank online like the plague.)


( 19 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 28th, 2014 05:06 pm (UTC)
I love you, your recipes, and your life choices.

Just so you know.
Jan. 28th, 2014 05:07 pm (UTC)
You have to know you're the imaginary friend in there with me. I MEAN, THE HAIR SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE TIP OFF. <3
Jan. 28th, 2014 05:15 pm (UTC)
And now I like your life choices even more! :D
Jan. 28th, 2014 06:19 pm (UTC)
oh GOD. I wouldn't dare make this because I would want to take it out of the oven, take a spoon and eat it. All. Right there. Out of the dish on the top of the stove.

But thank you for this recipe...
Jan. 28th, 2014 07:36 pm (UTC)
you make this when you have people over at your house who also are equipped with spoons. Instant portion control! :D
Jan. 28th, 2014 07:36 pm (UTC)
Well...yes. But you know, you have to make it once before you make it for company! :)
Jan. 28th, 2014 07:01 pm (UTC)
I want this in my oven right this minute. Unfortunately I don't have Gruyere or the all important lobster on hand.

Oh, well, there's a winter minestrone in my sights instead and I better start working on some bread so we can have fresh bread with it. I thought this would be perfect witch's teat weather food and then you trumped me!
Jan. 28th, 2014 07:37 pm (UTC)
I used Fontina with great success, if you find yourself with most of the ingredients some other day...

Oh MAN do I love minestrone. Mmmmm. I'm making a nice hearty beef stew with mushrooms and parsnips and a splash (glug) of Bordeaux in it for tonight. IT IS TOO FUCKING COLD. It's Satan's nutsack out there.
Jan. 28th, 2014 08:58 pm (UTC)
it is ridiculously cold and there is still ice on the cars at nearly three in the afternoon. I came home from my walk with a numb face! This is not right!
Jan. 28th, 2014 09:28 pm (UTC)
We're dry here, fortunately. I couldn't bring myself to exercise outside when it was 18 this morning. NOPE.

Squats and jump rope it is! Stay warm, cookie!
Jan. 28th, 2014 10:02 pm (UTC)
It was all the way up to 26° here so I should just stop bitching.
Jan. 28th, 2014 07:08 pm (UTC)
compared to last season TW has been steller. the first episode was especially excellent I haven't watched this week's yet
Jan. 28th, 2014 07:38 pm (UTC)
*zips lip for last night's ep*

One thing is for certain this season: the actors have turned it up to 11. And Scott McCall is a literal Disney Werewolf Prince. :D
Jan. 28th, 2014 09:08 pm (UTC)

(I have similar feelings about Teen Wolf.)
Jan. 28th, 2014 09:29 pm (UTC)

Jan. 29th, 2014 12:34 am (UTC)
I heart both you AND Ina. oh Ina. she is one of my go-to shows when I just need to relax. Her voice alone kind of lulls me into complacency, it's quite lovely.

Meanwhile, when I look at that recipe all I can think to myself is "GET IN MAH BELLEH!!!!".

Jan. 29th, 2014 12:45 am (UTC)
Seriously, if there's something I want to make, I check her recipes first. She has never failed me! Oh, isn't she so soothing and delightful? I'm totally not joking about wanting to sit in her lap as she rocks me to sleep, ahahaha.

Jan. 29th, 2014 10:56 pm (UTC)
Those who don't like your recipes need to relax and drink more wine, obviously!! I feel both entertained and informed (and really hungry).
Jan. 29th, 2014 11:01 pm (UTC)
Hahaha! They're kind of my favorite thing to write, ngl.

*tops you off*
( 19 comments — Leave a comment )


Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

Time Wot It Is

April 2017
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