I played with Ina Garten's recipe because she is awesome and I want to sit in her lap and have her read me a bedtime story and feed me cookies. But let's get back to lobster and pasta.
I had some frozen lobster tails - courtesy of a kind coworker of the Mr - and wanted to do something decadent. Bisque? Screw that. MAMA WANT CHEESE. I didn't have Gruyere on hand, and it was negative witch's teat outside, so I didn't want to go to the store, so I improvised and loved how it turned out.
1 pound of dry pasta (I used cavatappi)
1 qt milk (950 ml) and I used 1%
6 TBSP butter
1/2 C AP flour
12 oz. Gruyere or Fontina - something melty and soft and nommy, grated
8 oz. sharp Cheddar, grated
1/2 tsp black pepper
1/2 tsp freshly grated nutmeg ALWAYS GO FOR FRESH YOU WILL THANK ME LATER
1 TBSP (that's correct) of salt (I used my fancy-schmancy William-Sonoma Black Truffle Salt. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND THIS.)
1/2 - 2 lb. lobster (use what you got; you like lots? Use lots! You like less? Don't cook for me.)
Preheat oven to 375F.
Pour a nice glass of wine. I'm fond of this delicious Riesling with seafood. Or cheese. Or crackers. Or soup. Or peanuts I've pulled out of the sofa cushions. (I'm kidding. I give those to the kids.) Chop your lobster tails into chunks. Mine was still slightly frozen, but that's not a problem. You'll see why in a minute.
Set a big pot of water to boil for the pasta. Get your cheese grated. Put your milk in a small saucepan on the stove and get it warm. Simmering is fine, but DO NOT BOIL. Are you...did you let it boil? Why? I just said not to. Well, this whole thing is ruined. *throws everything onto the floor*
I'm sorry. I clearly need another glass of wine. *tops your glass off, too*
Okay, don't let the milk boil. Get a nice big Windsor pan (or something wide and open. Like your mom. I AM SORRY. I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. *pours us more wine* Seriously. Seriously, this is good stuff. Right? RIIIIIGHT? Okay. Pan. Butter in the pan. Put the butter in there. Wait, cut it into pieces so it melts better. Or just.. here, gimmie a wooden spoon and I'll smash it with the edge. Is the heat on medium? Well why the hell-
Oh, I didn't say to do that. PUT THE HEAT ON MEDIUM. Melt the butter. Add the flour. Don't just- Can you at least sprinkle that over the butter instead of just glooping it in there? Whisk it in, whisk it all nice and together and let it simmer for about two minutes. We don't want a dark roux, just enough to thicken the milk.
Put your lobster bits in your strainer. Drain the pasta over that, drain it well, use your elbow to shove the black kitty away, he'll just keep coming back to check the smell because he's rotten like that, and put it back in your pasta pot to sit. No, not the cat, the pasta.
Gimmie a sip of your wine. Because mine's all gone, that's why! Send the Mr. to open us up a new bottle then. HTank you. Seriously. Seriously. You're my favorite did you know? You are! Okay, okay, milk is cooking, shh. I have to get focused. Okay. Whisk the roux and slowly pour the milk in. Can you do that for me? Thank you. Slowly- okay, it's all whisked together, keep stirring it while it thickens, about two minutes. If you didn't heat your milk this will take a long time. If you BOILED your milk you are dead to me.
Pull it off the heat and add in the cheeses in stages, mixing it really well until it's creamy. Oh my god look at that. LOOK AT THAT. Add the pepper, nutmeg and the black truffle salt. HOLY SNACK BALLS THAT SMELLS AMAZING, RIGHT!? SO good. So, so good. Pour all of this over your pasta/lobster, mix it well, put in a casserole dish, and go find the panko crumbs, shoot, I forgot those.
Well, they're in the pantry. Black box. BLACK BOX. It says.. CHRIST, it says PANKO ON IT. It's on the- right there. RIGHT BY YOUR FACE HOW ARE YOU NOT SEEING THAT?!
(Oh my god, stop letting my husband help us. This is us time, okay? I need this. I need more wine, too. Oh my god, I love you so much.)
Cover the top with the Panko, bake for 30 - 35 minutes, or until the top is all crispity-crunchy, we're moaning over the oven, and it's all bubbly.
Meanwhile, let's have more wine. Can I play with your hair? You have fabulous hair. Seriously. Seriously.
IS THAT NOT THE BEST SMELL EVER? And the answer is yes. It is. Next time, we'll make this in individual ramekins or something so the crunch to cream ratio is EVEN GREATER.
...I made an embarrassing sound, didn't I? YEAH, WELL YOU TASTE IT AND TELL ME--
See?! I know. It's awesome. You're awesome. Wine is awesome.
If you don't like the way I write recipes, well, that's because you like things "coherent" and "organized." Whatever.
Also, I'm...liking a LOT of Teen Wolf this season, even if there is stuff that is problematic. I mean, the showrunner is awful, but the show? Not shabby. (And I'm avoiding the LOADS of wank online like the plague.)