Dovil asked a while back for a fic involving Season 4 Xander and Spike, possibly involving drunkeness and a pneumatic nailer (nail gun). On with the show!
“OW!! Bloody Hell!”
“Son of a b- HARRIS! What the bloody hell are you doing?”
“You shoot me one more ti-“
“STOP. SHOOTING. ME. WITH YOUR BLOODY. BUGGERING. NAILER.”
“If I ever get out of this chair you will rue the day you ever slid from your mother’s w-“
“Watch it! That one hit my thigh, a little too high if you ask-“
“Oy! Leave the boys out of this! WAIT!”
Xander lowers the pneumatic nailer, looks quizically at the vampire, then reaches to the side of his chair where he has an open cooler of longnecks. He twists the cap off his beer, places it between his legs, then opens a bag of chips and shoves a handful in his mouth, crunching noisily.
“Look, Harris, whatever set you off... I mean, those things can’t kill me, only incur my wrath for the day I break free from this bloody chip- Hey. Hey, now, no need to raise that at my face, Harris. Go back to your yummy American piss, er, beer? I believe you call it? And leave me alone, right? Where the bloody hell is your demon wench? Go give her a poke instead of pestering me.”
Xander takes a long pull from his beer and looks, bleary eyed, at the blonde vamp struggling against his restraints.
“Well, Spike, it’s like *hic* it’s like this. Anya isn’t coming over tonight. She told me to drink lots of beer and finally get it out of my system.”
“What’s that, then? Bothering me like a gnat?”
“Nope. Said to go on and nail you."
And the icon is for all to share the wacky Kiwi love!