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Dovil Birthday Fic, Part 2

While we wait for crazydiamondsue to retrieve her things from 7-11 and get her home computer back online, I'll post my next fic in the Dovil is OLD extravaganza. ETA: Sue's back and the rest of the fics are HERE.

Dovil asked a while back for a fic involving Season 4 Xander and Spike, possibly involving drunkeness and a pneumatic nailer (nail gun). On with the show!


“OW!! Bloody Hell!”


“Son of a b- HARRIS! What the bloody hell are you doing?”


“You shoot me one more ti-“





Pfft! Pfft!

“If I ever get out of this chair you will rue the day you ever slid from your mother’s w-“


“Watch it! That one hit my thigh, a little too high if you ask-“

Pfft! Pfft!

“Oy! Leave the boys out of this! WAIT!”

Xander lowers the pneumatic nailer, looks quizically at the vampire, then reaches to the side of his chair where he has an open cooler of longnecks. He twists the cap off his beer, places it between his legs, then opens a bag of chips and shoves a handful in his mouth, crunching noisily.

“Look, Harris, whatever set you off... I mean, those things can’t kill me, only incur my wrath for the day I break free from this bloody chip- Hey. Hey, now, no need to raise that at my face, Harris. Go back to your yummy American piss, er, beer? I believe you call it? And leave me alone, right? Where the bloody hell is your demon wench? Go give her a poke instead of pestering me.”

Xander takes a long pull from his beer and looks, bleary eyed, at the blonde vamp struggling against his restraints.

“Well, Spike, it’s like *hic* it’s like this. Anya isn’t coming over tonight. She told me to drink lots of beer and finally get it out of my system.”

“What’s that, then? Bothering me like a gnat?”

“Nope. Said to go on and nail you."


And the icon is for all to share the wacky Kiwi love!


( 27 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 7th, 2005 02:19 pm (UTC)
::rolls eyes::; Oh NO! Stupid stupd Xander. ::snort::
Mar. 7th, 2005 02:22 pm (UTC)
Dammit. Why did he have to be so thick headed? *cries for lack of porn*
Mar. 7th, 2005 02:20 pm (UTC)


See, Anya is us, I always knew it.
Mar. 7th, 2005 02:22 pm (UTC)
BWAH!! NOW I see why I love her. Hee!
Mar. 7th, 2005 02:33 pm (UTC)
The boy IS prone to miss the meaning of anything which is less than absolutely literal, isn't he?

Julia, vastly amused.
Mar. 7th, 2005 02:40 pm (UTC)
Hee! He's not a smart man, Jenny, but he knows what love ihyus. Wait. No, he doesn't. *giggles more*
Mar. 7th, 2005 02:33 pm (UTC)
For some reason, I didn't see that one coming. Anya, Anya, Anya. She knows everything. Funny, funny fic.
Mar. 7th, 2005 02:41 pm (UTC)
Ha! She's a smart girl, our Anya. :-D
Mar. 7th, 2005 03:33 pm (UTC)
“Oy! Leave the boys out of this! WAIT!”

OMFG, I love you so much right now. Where's that Dovil, anyway? Probably off having a damn life on her birthday. Tch. Some people, huh?
Mar. 7th, 2005 03:51 pm (UTC)
My hope (oh, dear God, how I hope) that she is getting drunker than ever before, and will get online and slosh her Kiwi love all over us.

I made the Dovil Day Icon for sharing amongst friends, feel free!
Mar. 7th, 2005 06:21 pm (UTC)
Hee, have stolen the icon and posted! Whee!
Mar. 7th, 2005 06:01 pm (UTC)
“Oy! Leave the boys out of this! WAIT!”

Really now, Xander. I'm pretty sure there's something from the Geneva Convention specifically outlawing harm to Spike's manpire-parts, no matter what else you do to him. I think they're one of those protected World Heritage Sites.

Yay for fic, yay for you, and YAY! for birthday!Dovil for inspiring it all.
Mar. 7th, 2005 06:31 pm (UTC)
BWAH!! Manpire parts. Best thing I've heard today. You should iconize that.

Yay for Dovil!!! Yay for people who make us laugh!

Help yourself to the icon, should you wish!
Mar. 7th, 2005 06:38 pm (UTC)
BWAH! Hi-larious! I also love the icon and the Simpsons-inspired title. Happy Birthday, dovil!
Mar. 7th, 2005 06:56 pm (UTC)
The icon is for sharing! Did you read uberaeryn's HILARIOUS southern-fried fic? Ha ha!! Dovil inspires the funny...
Mar. 7th, 2005 07:35 pm (UTC)
I did, although I mistakenly paid compliments to Sue, because it was in her journal. That's what I get for not reading the liner notes. I almost died at the "Wildfire" reference. Of course Lee would like that song!
Mar. 7th, 2005 08:34 pm (UTC)
Hee! I love you very, very much.
For the funny, for calling it a pneumatic nailer,for the boys, for the American beer jab, for being you.
Mar. 7th, 2005 08:54 pm (UTC)
Pneumatic nailer. True story: my ex (a carpenter by trade) got shot in the back of the calf by a 9 inch nail from a nail gun. GEEEYYEEAARRGGHH.

American beer. Pfft. Hee!
Mar. 8th, 2005 12:32 am (UTC)
LMAO...beautiful!!! I love it to pieces like a bad joke that you know that you shouldn't have told to the nun, but just could resist...
Mar. 8th, 2005 05:47 am (UTC)
BWAH!! Oh, my god, did you tell the nun about the two queers and the duck?!! GREENSTONE!! WHat were you thinking? Hee!
Mar. 8th, 2005 03:45 am (UTC)
OMG - so perfect. So funny!
Mar. 8th, 2005 05:46 am (UTC)
Hooray!! you took it! I miss you! Write! YOU ARE THE BEST OF ALL OF US! *sobs, squeezes your boob while you aren't looking*
Mar. 8th, 2005 09:52 am (UTC)
hee hee hee. Very funny!
Mar. 8th, 2005 05:21 pm (UTC)
hee hee hee!
(Deleted comment)
Mar. 8th, 2005 05:22 pm (UTC)
Xander is drunk and in denial, Anelith. DENIAL.
Mar. 8th, 2005 05:17 pm (UTC)
“Nope. Said to go on and nail you."

Anya smart. Xander stoopid. Though maybe there will be soothing hurt/comfort sex in the morning after Xander's finished prying out 5 inches of metal out of Spike's bits. Because nothing says 'in the mood' like removing sharp metal from ones testicles.

Pfft! Pfft!

“Oy! Leave the boys out of this! WAIT!”

This had me braying like an unstable donkey.
Mar. 8th, 2005 05:22 pm (UTC)
I could see Xander, drunk, leaning slightly to one side, hair in his face, his arm out in front of him holding the nail gun. A flick of the wrist to the left,squeeze, to the right, squeeze... Maybe a giggle... Ha!
( 27 comments — Leave a comment )


Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

Time Wot It Is

April 2017
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