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A nonsensical rant. But Jeeezus!!

I want a bra that holds my tits in place. I want a bra that is pretty as well. I do NOT want a bra that is made to be instantly taken off. you know: the bras that look good when you lean back and arch, but you couldn't actually walk around or function in your day to day tasks without slipping out of it. I want a bra that costs under 25 bucks that holds my friggin' boobs INSIDE the cups. I do NOT want to lean forward and have my boobs spill out of the front top of my bra. I do not need a huge freakin' gap between the cups. Hey! My body is different! My boobs are close together: up front and center. I need CUPS THAT HOLD MY BOOBS IN THEM.

Oh, I've bought the 60 dollar bras before. And they last through about 10 wearings. And I swear to god, if I find one more bra (bathing suit tops - you are not exempt in this rant!) over a C cup with PADDING in it, I may resort to others' bodily harm. I HAVE ENOUGH. Don't need extra, thanks.

Granted, I probably SHOULD wear a DD. But. Tell me a manufacturer (not Fredrick's - uh... Let's just say itchy and made for girls with plastic boobs that don't MOVE.) that makes a 32DD (and costs less than 25 bucks.) Go on! Find them. I can get a 34DD (if I look for three hours and under the rugs) but the cups are so large, and the straps are so wide that they cut into my skin. I have been made to bleed from such a bra.

Silly, self indulgent rant, but I just spent three hours with bored kids in the department store trying to find an over-the-shoulder boulder-holder. Success? No. Sports bra? Check. Uniboob? Unfortunately, check.

I swear. If balls came in a variety of sizes, men would have all kinds of support options for their junk.

[ETA] Looking at Spock all enraged has calmed me down. Vulcan power, baby.


( 62 comments — Leave a comment )
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Mar. 21st, 2005 05:18 pm (UTC)
over-the-shoulder boulder-holder

well there's your problem - you should have been looking for tit slings all along.

Have you ever tried a Hanes outlet? They usually knock them down to around $15-20 if you are lucky.

I always have trouble finding my size too. And word on the padding. OMG I so don't need padding.
Mar. 21st, 2005 06:40 pm (UTC)
OMG! What's with the padding? On bathing suits???? Do you really want a big wet sponge in the front after a dip?

The ONE bra that kinda works for a bit (as in, the first three or four times I wear it) is a Hanes. But they should just last longer, you know? I'm sick of the cups stretching out and getting quadraboob.

... - smashsc - Mar. 21st, 2005 07:58 pm (UTC) - Expand
Mar. 21st, 2005 05:21 pm (UTC)
32DD, meet 38DDD or maybe, today DDDD.

I have ONE bra I really like, that doesn't do the uniboob or quadraboob thing, and it's $28; I buy things on sale. And it's an underwire. It's...Bali 3240, but it's also a 40DD, which means the cups are just barely big enough and the band is too long and slides up my back. It allegedly comes in a 32DD but you have to special order.

For years I wore a really nice Vanity Fair soft-cup but one or the other time that brand went bankrupt and was bought out, the style went away. And there was my favorite cotton work bra, which two years ago had the cut changed from a subtle sine-wave which left the cup nearly hemispherical to a broad U shape which results in quadraboob.

If I had better teeth, narrower feet, and smaller boobs I would be much much richer.

Julia, tugging the back of the band down AGAIN

Mar. 21st, 2005 06:42 pm (UTC)

When I was pregnant, I went up to a G. G!!

My doctor just tut-tutted me and gave me an Ace bandage for thighs to wrap my chest in. Now THAT was comfortable. If pain and agony makes you relaxed, that is.

My mother is a 40FFF (bombshell, that one) and has never found an attractive bra EVER.
... - julia_here - Mar. 21st, 2005 07:10 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - melbournegirl - Mar. 21st, 2005 10:40 pm (UTC) - Expand
Mar. 21st, 2005 05:32 pm (UTC)
I've been searching for 20 years for a comfortable , affordable bra. There is no such animal. If you find it, please let the rest of us know. We will shout it from the rooftops. *adjusts boobs again*
Mar. 21st, 2005 06:43 pm (UTC)
ARGHGGHH!! I want to duct tape them in place. But taking that tape off... Yeouch.
Mar. 21st, 2005 05:43 pm (UTC)
where's otto when you need him?
i am so with you. i'm DD/DDD myself, and i have 20 bras in my dresser. i wear about 3 of them semi-comfortably. none of them fit the way they do in the ads.

they're all from lane bryant and still a lot better than what i had before. i used to wear bali, but i got sick of beige satin and itchy lace.

best of luck in your search. let me know if you find the holy grail of bras.
Mar. 21st, 2005 06:44 pm (UTC)
Re: where's otto when you need him?
Beige satin. *nods* What I want: Pretty, cute, and holds the girls STILL. It would be nice to be able to run tot he end of the driveway to catch the mailman without my hands holding my bewbies, because the bra ain't cutting it.

"Holy grail of bras." BWAH!
Mar. 21st, 2005 05:55 pm (UTC)
I have sort of the opposite problem, but sort of the same. I'm small. It's so hard to find a 36A, it isn't even funny. The bra manufacturers think that all we want is underwire. I freakin' hate underwire. Feels like someone is sticking me with metal, which they really are. So, so hard to find one that will fit. I can't even imagine finding a 32 in anything but like A or B. I have big shoulders, you idiots. Just like you're slim. Geez. I hate anything that sticks, rubs, makes me sweaty, etc. Not everyone is a perfect 34C. Or whatever. And you definitely need to support, because it hurts (I've heard and find out when I'm pregnant or nursing, cause I get huge).

Yeah, if their balls came in different sizes, we'd get those commercials on TV about it. Wouldn't that be kind of sick and hilarious at the same time.
Mar. 21st, 2005 06:46 pm (UTC)
My BFF is the same. 36A. She usually wears sports bras all the time as they are easier to find.

Oh, man I can't imagine going without underwire. Those elastic ones just slllliiip and flip right on up. Nice.

G. I get to a G riiight after delivery. *cries*
... - crayonbreakygal - Mar. 21st, 2005 09:05 pm (UTC) - Expand
Mar. 21st, 2005 06:06 pm (UTC)
Sports bar? Check.

Hee! Fun typo!

I'm in 34DD-land myself, bordering on 32DD, depending on how much I weigh at the time. I have one bra I like, and another one I wear once in a while that doesn't support me very well at all. So, I hear ya on the bra front. They need to find a better way to make bras.

The one I do like is a Wonderbra, and I wish I'd bought 5 of them when I bought it, because now every time I go to the store, I can't find it in 34DD. BLARG.

Spock is the cutest!
Mar. 21st, 2005 06:48 pm (UTC)
Fixed it! Hee hee! I knew you would get my plight. I thought Wonderbras had all the padding? Padding drives me NUTS. I like a softer, rounder shape generally.

Oh hell, who am I kidding? I just want the girls still.

Spock fixes everything. *nods*
Mar. 21st, 2005 06:13 pm (UTC)
I can't help much because I use figleaves to buy bras online - but the choice for the US is awful. There were about 6 pages for the UK site, and 6 (not pages!), just 6 bras for the US site (including padding and nursing bras.

That's terrible.

But the comment about balls? I'm still staying with my best friend - and her girlfriend is a pharmacist. She's been cleaning out the spare room, and found a piece of equipment she'd forgotten about. Just a strip of paper with various sized half circles along one edge.

Yes, you've guessed it. It's a willy measurer to find out what size condom a guy needs. I'm presuming the thing is unused, as I really can't imagine someone whipping their todger out in the middle of Boots.
Mar. 21st, 2005 06:29 pm (UTC)
Does it go from size "large" to "extra-large" to "jumbo-huge" to "Angel-sized"? Can't imagine they'd sell too many "smalls". I was at a Renaissance Faire once and a codpiece merchant told me you simply cannot sell a man a small codpiece, even if it's his size.
... - stoney321 - Mar. 21st, 2005 06:49 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - mirasol - Mar. 22nd, 2005 12:54 am (UTC) - Expand
Mar. 21st, 2005 06:27 pm (UTC)
I hate my bras. Cotton sports bras, the only kind I can tolerate in terms of comfort. They get all stretched out and and saggy and droopy - and consequently so do their contents. I'm 20-freakin-years old, I want perky breasts! Perky!

I'm about a 38-C, and I like the way I look in an underwired lacy little thing with actually cups that pushes the girls up-n-out, but I just can't abide wearing them for more than a few minutes. Didn't wear a bra at all until I was 14, even though I probably could have used one from the age of 12. My mom nagged, my classmates teased me, and my dad even had a few choice words, but I was adamant about not getting a bra until I damn well felt like it. Still weirdly proud about that.
Mar. 21st, 2005 06:50 pm (UTC)
Oh, pretty icon!

PERKY!! yes! ANd for having three kids, I have good, form boobs. But they aren't going to stay that way without support! *cries more*

I'm about to go to a bondage shop and load up on corsets. I have one that works nicely...

*stops breathing for ever*
... - julia_here - Mar. 21st, 2005 07:19 pm (UTC) - Expand
Mar. 21st, 2005 06:44 pm (UTC)
I feel your pain. I don't have your size, but I have trouble finding bras that fit. I will not be trapped into wearing those bras that make me look like a porn star and hurt besides.

I've always said that if men had to wear bras they'd cost $5, they'd last 20 years, and they'd be comfortable.

And stupid men run those lingerie companies.
Mar. 21st, 2005 06:52 pm (UTC)
Stupid gay men who want to make us ridiculous and look prettier than us!!!
(Disclaimer: Stoney does not hate gay men in the slightest, she does wish they would stop fondling her boobs when out in public and ask 'where did I get them?')

I know of NO ONE who finds bras with ease. Why is this? Some woman with real boobs please make bras for the rest of us!
... - kaydee23 - Mar. 21st, 2005 07:48 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - stoney321 - Mar. 22nd, 2005 08:29 am (UTC) - Expand
... - kaydee23 - Mar. 22nd, 2005 10:04 am (UTC) - Expand
Mar. 21st, 2005 06:49 pm (UTC)
I'm with you, sistah! 44DDD. VERY hard to find bras I like that fit. Recently I found one at Avenue, though most of theirs are no good. And my big pet peeve about Lane Bryant? Almost all their bras have either padding -- who needs padding at this size? -- or a harsh band across the top of the breast that makes it squish out the top. Thelma and Louise do not like to be constricted that way! They like to breathe a little, with a top that's lacy! I get VERY frustrated when it comes to finding bras. Sometimes I wear these really comfy DD bras I got at Big Lots for 5.99, but they totally don't fit at all and they only cover the top half and the bottom half is squiggling around in there freakishly.
Mar. 21st, 2005 06:56 pm (UTC)
I haven't shopped the bras at Lane Bryant (I didn't know they sold any!!) Padding? On a friggin' 44DDD? That may be the cruelest joke on the planet.

A line straight across. Support in the form of stitching vertically, and underwire underneath. And the line should cut across as the boob is getting smaller up high. No \_/ shapes, where the _ is the very lowest possible point, thereby ensuring my boobs pop out, or at the very least give me quadraboob throughout the day.

I'm two steps away from digging out the Ace bandages.

And your icon makes me giggle. Every time.
(Deleted comment)
Mar. 22nd, 2005 08:30 am (UTC)

They shouldn't be so friggin' expensive, you know? I mean, $200 bones for britches?? (Meaning, buy three so I don't have to wear the same bra every day.)

Lunaire... Looking... Ooh! Like your pretty red/black lace one?

THAT'S RIGHT, FOLKS. I have had eye contact with the Sue Boobs. Kinda.
(Deleted comment)
... - stoney321 - Mar. 22nd, 2005 09:27 am (UTC) - Expand
Mar. 21st, 2005 08:31 pm (UTC)
you know, I was just talking to inlovewithnight about how I don't know how tall any of my online friends are, but I know their bra sizes. every woman has to go on this rant at some point!

(36 D if you're wondering; and I was asserting that I as hard to shop for but ay ay ay!) no helpful suggestions, much sympathy.
Mar. 22nd, 2005 08:31 am (UTC)
5'6". 5'9" in my favorite boots. :-P

Duct tape is my next alternative.
Mar. 21st, 2005 09:01 pm (UTC)
My last couple of bras that actually fit came from Lane Bryant. The lady at Nordstrom mentioned that at some point the same company that owns Victoria's Secret bought Lane Bryant, so that probably explains the plethora of pads and "demi" cups--which give me demi-boobs, only 4 of them, as you mentioned.

Has anyone else had a rough time with underwires and security at the airport? I refuse to wear a non-underwire bra (it would be up around my neck in about an hour), but the last time I flew the person with the hand held metal detector wouldn't leave my boobs alone. Finally I said, "Look, it's the underwires, OK?" She gave me a withering look like I was making it up. *sigh*

I just remembered a website that a friend of mine mentioned back when she was pregnant and needed a 32 DDD--The Wizard of Bras. I haven't tried it yet, but here's the link:

Mar. 21st, 2005 09:13 pm (UTC)
Thanks for the link. I knew that there was another company out there that makes bras. Wacoal or something like that. Look on the site. They're supposed to be good. Can you believe they go up to J?
... - spikefan - Mar. 22nd, 2005 02:52 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - stoney321 - Mar. 22nd, 2005 08:33 am (UTC) - Expand
Mar. 21st, 2005 10:05 pm (UTC)
I swear. If balls came in a variety of sizes, men would have all kinds of support options for their junk.


I fucking HATE bra shopping. I'm a 38C, so you'd think there'd be a lot of options for me...HA! I've taken to wearing those tanktops with the built in bra (when I know I won't have to run much or walk too vigorously). I've only found one bra that fit well and it was $40, which is a bit too much to pay, really. All the cheepie bras have those really thin straps that cut into your shoulders or the really thick ones that do the same :p I'm seriously considering buying a series of tensor bandages...
Mar. 22nd, 2005 08:34 am (UTC)
ALL I could find was 38C. If it wasn't cold up there, I'd switch lives with you for a day of shopping so you could LOAD up.

Tensor bandages? I'm thinking that's the same as an Ace bandage? Stretchy? Athletic injury wrap for, say... ankles?
... - paynbow - Mar. 22nd, 2005 09:13 am (UTC) - Expand
Mar. 22nd, 2005 12:09 am (UTC)
Spock smoked weed. And he didn't have tits.

I had a nightmare bra hunt the other day. The funny thing is I suspect that men think we have such a lovely time underwear shopping don't they, gazing at naked breasts, fondling lace, adjusting the straps...? You think you got problems, babe, my breasts are two different cup sizes and I think I'm only catered for on some weird mall in 'Star Wars'. I either have to squish one in and I get the glamorous double-breast effect on one side, or I have to go up a cup size and the smaller of the twosome pops out. TMI brought to you by Sangue.

Mar. 22nd, 2005 08:36 am (UTC)

And you are spot on about men and underwear shopping. Funny thing, every bra Mr. Stoney has bought me has fit like a dream. Once, before the third Stonelette came, there were many gifts of sexy undies and the like... All fit wonerfully...

Gargh. I had a friend that was a B on the left and a D on the right. There is a store here for women who have had partial mastectomies that self "falsies" for the surgical side. Any thing like that near you?
... - sangueuk - Mar. 22nd, 2005 08:54 am (UTC) - Expand
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Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

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