Title: Connie: The Musical
Author: Stoney321, written for Yinathon
Summary: Remember how funny it was that the children of prostitutes in Calcutta become prostitutes themselves? No, that's horrible. So what if we make them vampire orphan children, warp the musical Annie, and cast it with people from Buffy and Angel? YES. Greenlight that mother scratcher.
Warning: incest, prostitution, SONG!FIC! My god, have your eyes not melted yet?
Thanks: As always to crazydiamondsue for enduring my phone calls where I sing to her and laugh uncontrollably when she has no idea of what I'm saying. Because of the TEARS. And fer fiksin mah spelin n stuf.
Previous chapter here.
Connie: The Musical
Cast of Characters
Annie - Connor
Molly - Wesley Wyndam-Pryce
Tessie - Fred "Winnie" Burkle
Pepper - Spike
Duffy - Lorne
Ms. Hannigan - Drunken Lilah Morgan
Grace Farrell - Harmony Kendall
Oliver "Daddy" Warbucks - Angel Morecocks
Punjab - Charles Gunn
Asp - Gavin
[Setting: Harmony and Connie are in a limo with blacked out windows pulling into a large estate with the mango, palm and date trees lining the drive. An Asian man, Gavin, is driving the car. There is an elephant, as well as several monkeys chittering on the expansive lawn. Connie has his wan face pressed up against the glass, jaw dropped. He is awestruck by the extravagance on display. So blatant and obnoxious in a country filled with poor, starving people.]
Connie: Did you say he was an American?
Harmony: No, Irish. Someone's over-compensating... (She waggles her eyebrows and indicates with her thumb and forefinger what she supposes her boss is overcompensating for.)
(The car pulls up into the covered drive where they will be shielded from the setting sun. A large black man, Charles Gunn, opens the car door and escorts them to the house. Harmony begins to stride purposefully into the foyer where servants are bustling with activity.)
Harmony: Come along, Connie. Gunn? See to his things.
Connie: I don't have any things.
Harmony: (horrified) Oh, my God!
Gunn: (under his breath) Country full of brown kids needing help, needing food, why am I surprised that Dracula and Barbie pick a good-looking white kid to raise up from the ghetto? And why I gotta be the muscle in the background all the damn time?
Gavin: (approaching from the limo) At least you get to have a love interest at times. I guess the one thing I can be grateful for is that I'm a driver and security, instead of a friggin' dry cleaner. Alright. (Puts driving cap back on) Back to being Kato. Until I get my revenge.... (Looks off into the distance as a woman wails in the background and reed instruments play him off.)
Maid: Godammit, Harmony, can you just call me Harriet?
Harmony: (rolls her eyes) Fine. Harriet: did you get the room next to Mr. Morecocks set up like I asked?
Harmony: Connie, let me show you to your room, and you can tell me what you'll need to get started.
Connie: (looking at the many male servants standing in wait for instruction) Hmm. I'll start with the blow jobs first, (stretches his jaw wide) and those who want to do me can take care of that while I'm sucking. (He begins to unbuckle his pants) Then, if there's anyone who's a DC wants me to-
Harmony: (laughing and pulling Connie to his feet) No, no! The only person you are here to service is Mr. Morecocks. I would totally lose my job if I let you work on anyone else!
(Groans from some of the staff. A "Goddamn!" can be heard from the entryway, presumably from Gunn.)
[Harmony sings to "I Think I'm Gonna Like It Here"]
Cecille will pick out all your clothes
(Cecille, spoken:) Spandex is your material, no- mesh, I think!
Your dancing shoes, by Miss LaVeer
(LaVeer, spoken:) Stiletto heels, no- clear, I think!
Monsignor Bruce will clean your *cough* head
(Bruce, spoken:) Pink thcrubby, no- my mouth, I think!
Connie: I think I'll shed a perfect tear!
When you're "blue"
Call for Hugh
Hugh will fluff you dry.
When you're done
Brings your pipe, then get high
(Gunn, spoken): Now that's what I'm talking about!
Servants: No need to bring out your sex toys
(Connie, spoken): That's okay, I haven't got any anyway!
Harmony: No fingers into his tight rear...
Servants: We have but one request,
please put us to the test!
(Harmony scowls at the men singing)
Connie: I know this John is a big queer!
Connie: Used to whore, what a chore
Always on my knees
But, gee WOW! Holy cow!
Won't someone, fuck me please?
Harmony: We've never had a vampy ho
(Servants, quickly:)We've never had a vampy ho!
We've never had a vampy ho!
Connie: I'm very glad to volunteer
Harmony: I'm glad he's glad to volunteer
Servants: We hope you understand
You're fucking your own dad
Connie: (brightens) I think I'm gonna like it here!
(As everyone barrel-rolls and cross-steps to the big finale, Harmony claps her hands over her mouth - they let out a very important secret. The door bangs open and standing on the top step is Mr. Angel Morecocks, dressed head to toe in black: European cut trousers, silk shirt, 3/4 length black coat swirling at his legs. He looks over everyone's heads, seemingly at nothing, then swaggers into the room. Harmony runs up to him and begins telling him his night's schedule)
Harmony: Hi, boss, you have a 9 o'clock with a Gordok demon - make sure to comment on the sacrificial baby - say it tastes like chicken. Then at 9:25 you are going to rescue some other vamps' dinner. They found a group of nuns, newly covenanted, some hell-god sacrifice or something, and oops! Don't forget this. (She hands him a mug of blood.)
(Connie, frightened, has slunk back into the drawing room watching the majestic dark man through a Philodendron. Angel Morecocks stops in mid-drink, looks up, and sniffs.)
Angel Morecocks: (bellowing) Harmony! What is that I smell?
Harmony: You like? I picked up a shop-girl and rubbed her all over me.
Angel: (sighing) Not that. (He sniffs, turns his head, and looks at the plant where Connie is hiding) THAT.
Harmony: The fern?
Angel: It isn't a - never mind. (He strides with purpose to the plant and pulls Connie out from behind.) What's this?
Harmony: That's the little vampire prostitute orphan you wanted me to pick up today!
Angel: But this is... (Looks at Connie from all sides) A boy. I think. (Sniffs) Yes, it's a boy. Prostitutes are supposed to be girls!
Harmony: Well, you never said you wanted a girl, and I took that to mean that you would prefer a boy, if you know what I mean, and quite honestly, the whole staff agreed with me.
(The whole staff begins to step out of the room, nervously.)
Angel: (leaning in and whispering) Really? You... They did?
Harmony: Well, duh! I mean, come on. You aren't fooling anyone.
Connie: (stepping up close to Angel) You mean you don't want me because I'm a boy? Well, that's okay. This is the first time my ass hasn't hurt in... well, in forever, so there's that. And I got to have my own fluffer during a song, and ride in a big car, and get out of the filth and the horror for a few minutes so you could chuck me back there after you were finished, so I guess that'll just have to be enough. Won't it. (He turns with a sulk. The sulk that melts Morecocks' HEART, people.)
Angel: What's your name, kid?
Connie: Miss LaMorgan said the people who dropped me off left me with a note saying, "Name him something Irish. Like Connor." But since we're in Calcutta, and we're mostly illiterate, I got stuck with the name Connie.
Angel: (sputtering) Miss LaMorgan? Who runs the Orphanage/Brothel for Wayward Vamps?
Connie: Why? Do you know it?
Angel: Nope. Say, is anyone thirsty? Is it hot in here? Do we need to take off some of these clothes?
Connie: (shrugs and strips) Whatever.
Harmony: Boss! The kid just got here. Trust me when I say he should take a bath.
Angel: Oh. Fine. I have some things to attend to, anyway. Connie? Be down here at 9PM sharp. (to Harmony) Did you get those things I requested from International Male?
Harmony: Banana hammock, check, breakaway linen pants, mesh tank, check and check.
(Connie starts up the long staircase, and puts an extra swish in his hips. When he reaches the top, he looks coquettishly over his shoulder and licks his lips, while one hand strays down to the front of his thin - my god they are practically falling off those sharp hipbones - trousers. A small, barely noticed nod, and he turns the corner down the hall to his room.)
Angel: (singing under his breath) I think I'm gonna need a beer.
[Setting: Later that night. Angel Morecocks is in his office meeting with the Gordok demons. The phones are ringing, Harmony is taking dictation, and behind Angel's desk, Connie is dressed in his breakaway linen pants with his sparkly silver mesh tank-top. Gunn, hitting the beat box, is teaching him some dance moves.]
Gunn: Naw, see you white people always go down on the 1 when you's supposed to dip on the 3. Like this.
(Gunn nods his head and bends his knees so his body dips down low, and on the third beat. Connie imitates him and throws some signs up.)
Gunn: Okay, okay. Your moves are fine, but you just look like a fool with the hand thing. God DAMMIT. How do y'all keep doing that? Why ain't you asking me about globalization and its effect on the world economy, or how privatization of education will or will not open up that system to competition, and thereby improving or destroying the school system? 'Cause I can talk about that shit but y'all don't want to hear a brother who can drop some knowledge on yo ass.
Angel: Gunn! Can you shut up? I'm trying to work over here!
Gunn: Psssh. Figures. I'm Audi.
Connie: (calling out to Gunn's retreating back) Wait! I wanted you to show me the "Shake Your Tailfeathers" dance!
Angel: (stealing glances at the VPOs crotch) Harmony? Could you take him out of here for a bit? I need to finish this work.
Harmony: What am I supposed to do with him? Anything I want?
Angel: NO! Just, I don't know... Entertain him somehow. Take him to a movie. You know... (whispers conspiratorially) a movie-movie? Then I can wrap up things here and get on with my night?
Harmony: (Sits back and smirks) Right. Like, a peep show thingy. Sure thing, boss.
Connie: (looks over, wistful and hurt) You mean you aren't taking me? Does this mean I don't get paid? Why did I even come if you are just going to ignore me the whole time?
Angel: You may think things are all fun and games here, but in order for me to have unlimited power, I mean, do good in the world, I have to work. I'm sorry if I can't drop everything right now.
Connie: Whatever. I'm out of here.
Angel: Fine, just... (Speaks to the Gordok demons in their native tongue) Okay? We'll reconvene tomorrow. Alright, Harmony. Call Rods and buy out the 10 o'clock show. Let's go to the movies.
(Harmony squeals and claps her hands together.)
Angel: Not you, dimwit. (Gestures with his head to the side, indicating the boy) We - him and me- are going to the movie. Tell Gavin to bring the limo around, and tell him enough with the Far East soundtrack, okay?
(Harmony takes Connie by the hand and drags him upstairs to get gussied up for the show. While she powders his face and puts packs of lube and condoms in his pockets, they sing and dance to the tune of "Let's Go To The Movies.")
Let's Go To The Movies
Firemen or Cops,
Bottoms and tops!
Sitting in the darkness
Your date on his knees
You're going to the movies, Connie
Wait and see!
Christy Canyon is probably back ending,
Traci Lords is most likely spanking and,
Ron Jeremy is cumming all over her face.
Rod Rimmer, Pierce Ryder, and Woody Long are all super
"Dynastud" Dirk Diggler likes to take it up the pooper...
Let's go to the movies!
Let's go see the stars!
Paris Hilton, sucking madly
"She didn't know" Pah!
What a big ho!
Sitting in the darkness
Your date on his knees!
[Angel takes Connie by the hand and leads him to the car, where Gavin is holding the door for them, and sings]
Give my aid the night off. (Harmony dashes to her own car)
Now you'll get your dad off! (Angel covers his mouth and tries to cover up his mistake)
Let's go to the movies, Connie,
You and Me!
(The car starts down the drive and in a few minutes, they can see the bright lights of the Red-District of Calcutta in the windows. Since Connie was never allowed outdoors, all of the bright lights and people are new. He's bouncing in his seat and moving from side to side in the car to not miss a thing. As a result, he keeps flopping back and forth over Angel's lap. Angel takes a few opportunities to fondle the lad's tight bottom, to "hold him steady.")
Connie: (puts on his game face, after all, he's a pro) This car keeps making me lose my balance. (He pushes his hips down into Angel's lap) Hold me steady so I can look out of the top.
(Connie straddles Angel and pops his head out of the sunroof. His crotch is parallel with Angel's mouth, so close that Connie can feel Angel's lips close to the thin, linen covering. Angel reaches up and around and grabs hold of Connie's backside in a tight grip, thumbs rubbing lightly over sharp hip-bones. Connie begins to move up and down, slowly and deliberately, the bulge in his thin pants growing more firm with each stroke against Angel Morecocks' lips. Gavin slams on the brakes, causing Connie to be thrown forward against the privacy guard..)
Gavin: We're here, Angel-San.
Angel: Enough with the Crouching Driver, Hidden Anger crap. Come on, kid, let's go.
Connie: What movie are we going to see, sir?
Angel: Bigger than Huge* You like soldiers? (Connie looks scared) As in, men in uniform? (They approach the concessions stand) I'll take a number 2 special.
(They walk into the theater, filled with nervous looking men sitting in groups of two, most wearing long coats.)
Angel: Oops, wrong theater.
(They head back out and go further down the hall to a private screening room. It will just be the two of them. They settle in their seats and Angel hands Connie the tray with the Number 2 special. It has a tube of lube, nipple clamps, knee pads, and a package of personal tissues. Connie's eyes get huge and he looks sideways at Morecocks, licking his lips in anticipation. The movie begins.)
Soldier 1: Dude. You work out?
Soldier 2: This is boot camp, dumb ass. Of course I work out.
Soldier 1: (rubbing himself through his fatigues) Thought so. You look huge.
Soldier 2: (taking his pants off and griping his cock in his hand) How big?
Soldier 1: Bigger than huge.
(A bass guitar slaps out a beat while the soldiers begin stroking each other.)
Angel: You okay?
Connie: I... yeah, I guess. Um, I don't know what you want me to do.
Angel: You can relax, for starters. Here - put your head on my shoulder. And your hand on my willy.
Connie: Leaking Limey!
Angel: Aw, shit. Wait, no, hold on, hold on. Gimmie a minute.
(Angel adjusts his pants while Connie sits back in his seat, head against the rest, eyes skyward.)
(Connie rolls his eyes; Angel looks back at the screen.)
Soldier 2: Wait. It gets bigger.
Soldier 1: Bigger than HUGE?
(Angel lays his hand on the arm rest between the two of them. He lets his fingers softly move up and touch the top of Connie's hand. Connie spreads his fingers, and Angel rubs his between the soft skin of the boy's fingers. A slight tug and Angel finds his hand resting on something hard. Angel looks over and sees Connie with his head back, eyes closed, tiny pink tongue wetting his lips. Angel looks further down and sees his own, large hand splayed against the boy's bulge. Angel gets quickly to his knees before Connie. Angel leans forward, grabs the draw string of the boy's pants in his teeth and pulls. Knot undone, he leans forward again, and using his tongue to pull the edge of the trousers forward, then uses his teeth to tug down. Connie shifts his hips upwards, and the lightweight material slides down. Angel runs his tongue over the boy's knobby knee-cap and makes a light trail of moisture and occasional nips up to Connie's inner thigh. As Angel begins to nip and suck his way to the underside of the boy's cock, his lips hit something metallic. Fortunately, there is enough light from the movie screen to see what is there.
It appears the boy has a Liberty Bell, but upon further inspection...)
Connie: It's a locket. My parents left it with me when they dumped me at the Orphanage/Brothel for Wayward Vamps. Can you imagine? They had a newborn baby pierced. Here. Let me open it up.
(He reaches down and snaps the locket open and takes out a Claddagh ring.)
Connie: It's broken. The note I came with had instructions to keep that with me, and one day my father would come get me. I would be able to tell who he was, because he would have the broken off piece from this ring. He will come for me. Maybe...
(Angel instinctively moves his hand to his breast pocket, fingering the small bit of metal that he always carries with him.)
Angel: So, you think your dad is coming to the brothel to get you?
Connie: One day. Who knows. Maybe he's already been there. That's kind of hot, don't you think? So.... You going to show me your moves, or what?
Angel: (sits back in his seat) Huh. Maybe later. Wanna get out of here?
Connie: Yeah. But there's no way I'm walking out of here with this tripod. Carry me?
(Angel scoops up little Connie into his strong arms, and the lad falls asleep almost immediately. Angel whistles and Gavin appears with the limo.)
Gavin: Wear out little Daniel-San, Sir?
Angel: Fuck off. Get us back to the house. Sun'll be coming up soon.
Gavin: Yes sir.
TBC... Right Here
A/N: "Bigger Than Huge" is a real gay porno. It does not feature soldiers, sadly.
Click here to listen to the songs in this chapter. Maybe you shouldn't....