Laura Stone (stoney321) wrote,
Laura Stone
stoney321

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Who needs a smile? A laugh? Gotcha. Oh, and GIP!

First off, Happy birthday vic_amy_z and I hope it's porny and fun and filled with good times.

I had a wedding this weekend. Oh, not just any wedding, a Mormon wedding. Which means I wasn't allowed INTO the wedding in the temple because I'm filled with sin - and proud of it - so I was at the reception. I was pleasantly surprised by the food (as mentioned in yesterday's post) and that it didn't consists of a 10 footer from Blimpies and some soda cans in a cooler. I kid because I love. The bride (my favorite little cousin in ze VORLD - she who inspired - unwittingly - Wee!Spike) was absolutely stunning and sweet in her wedding gown. All of the neices and my girls had "bridesmaid" dresses and were as sweet as pie. Pecan pie, to be exact. Lemon yellow, sage green or burgundy. Floor length, tuille and satin, with satin sashes that draped to the floor. Pics to come as soon as they are developed. PRECIOUS. Have a great pic of me and my man, will post when that's ready, too. My hair was PERFECT. (Sue shout out!)


And now, I give you the most memorable weddings I have ever attended.

5. School friend Denise to Omero. She just graduated from HS the week before, no one knows about him. One of our friend's mother leans over to me and whispers: I give it 9 months. She won the pool. There shouldn't be a divorce pool at a wedding. I'm just saying...

4. Mine. With my mother in HER wedding dress. Because she's nothing but class. HA!! Granted, it was the dress from wedding number 4, so that shouldn't count, right? That's a classic in my family.

3. Cousin Julie to Chad. First off: Chad was 16, Julie was 15. What are YOU thinking? You'd be wrong. As we asked Julie about the whole "shotgun" element, she casually let us know that "Chad cain't gimme no babies. He got one of his nuts crushed gettin' poled in a fight." As my sis mentioned yesterday, small bandanas filled with pretzels and tied in a knot at the SIGN IN, in case writin' yore mark done made ya a mite peckish. The bride wore white Wranglers and a veil off her white cowboy hat.

2. My friend in college who married a girl from a large family. And annulled it two days later. You can always tell a Mormon bride from her mom since her mom is the one that's pregnant. The bride's parents wanted to get the whole family together the night of the wedding to discuss if the newlyweds should start making a baby that night. We'll just say the reception was tense. On board with eats: buttermints, a cooler with soda cans, rainbow jello salad. (A pyrex dish with all the jello colors layered.)

1. My cousin Katie married to Daryl. Her parents gave her a check for $25,000 for a wedding. Smart girl that she is (and a few months pregnant already - I have no room to talk on this issue, BTW) she booked an afternoon at (I kid you not) Weddin' World where a package costing $1750 got you:

  • CD boom box of "classy" music

  • rental of a wedding gown (which isn't a bad idea, since you only wear it once)

  • rental of two bridesmaid gowns (saving your friends' pocketbooks and the shame of taffeta)

  • four dishes of peanuts/Chex-Mix

  • Kool-Aid in a pretty Chinesque (read: plastic) punch bowl

  • folding chairs

  • screen to block out the cars up on hydraulics at the brake/muffler shop next door

  • screen to block out the 7-11 sign on the other side

  • a reverend on crutches, with OP clam diggers underneath her "formal" black robes.



Now, I'm not saying they MAKE the priest wear OP clam diggers, but since she was wearing them, I wonder. My smart cousin looked snottily at anyone who turned their nose up on Weddin' World and told them her bank account had over $23,000 in it. Clever.

Now, I'm just having fun here. For the record: Mr. Stoney and I took ourselves to the Justice of the Peace, had a quiet ceremony (with a LOVELY Judge officiating) and our parents. Went to a nice lunch afterwards, and done. Total cost: $300 with my nice, cream dress thrown in. Niiiice.

And I had 16 children under the age of 9 at my house. Holy God. Now, I don't want to say that these kids are naughty, whiney, and bratty, what I WANT to say is the vast majority are a bunch of shits. The oldest boy, 6, grabbed his sister, 4, and held her shoulders, HEAD BUTTED HER so hard, he almost knocked himself out. We'll just say that I'm not the favorite grown-up amongst these kids. I love my cousins, but they seem to think it's okay for kids to act this way because "they are just kids."

We had a big family BBQ this weekend at the newlyweds BEAUTIFUL apartment complex. Very chi-chi, VERY ADULT. And the parents are letting their kids scream, run in the street, run into the leasing office, throw food into the pool.... I was so stressed out. That kind of crap drives me nuts. Folks: you ain't in Utah. This is Dallas where children are expected to be little adults. Or at least have SOME manners. The older kids liked me because I didn't let the younger ones rule the roost. Feh. Teach your kids how to behave in public. My kids were shell-shocked when they got home. Emily (3) crawled into mom and dad's laps and just watched. Without speaking. Now, when a 3 year old looks on you with disdain... Something needs to change.

But I survived, and it was good to see family, and it was nice to have other people cook, and let the kids get worn out, and get dressed up (antique lace dress from the 20s, 4 inch Mary Janes. Woot!) And it's even better to sit in my quiet house and catch up on your happenings. Spam me! I don't wanna do my editing job today, so I'm ALLLLL YOURS!
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