Laura Stone (stoney321) wrote,
Laura Stone

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Tales of Whoa

First, and most importantly, today is the birthday of one of my most favorite people in all of LJ land, a person who I look for everytime I post fic, a person who I look for HER fic, and someone with a rapist wit. Isn't that it? No? Happy Birthday to the fantastic violethamster, and Trish? Keep your eyes open for a box with mixes. I'm sorry it couldn't be there for your b-day, but I wanted to make sure you got Buffy, too. :-D

Second, uberaeryn and crazydiamondsue (with, no doubt, a kicking and screaming elcazavampiros) watched Christian Kane sweat, grab his crotch, and (somewhere in all of this) play softball (ROVER. The position is ROVER.) And I had a houe full of giggling, noisy 8 year olds running amock at my daughter's b-day party.

Since my daughter's b-day falls on Memorial Day Weekend, and the first weekend after school lets out, usually there is a drought in the friends being home department (located near men's better dressing and the restrooms.) So we've taken to having it the weekend before. She didn't want to get crazy (and frankly, I don't like big blow out parties for kids. What the hell are they going to do when they hit 50?) so: 3 friends, a movie, hot dogs, trampoline, cake n' ice cream , kids go home. Invites are of the luau persuasion, come at 11 so we can get to the flick on time. number 2 decides she wants to give Shit!Kid a second chance and invites her. Alright... Remember how I wrote in RED INK that the party commenced at 11 am? And it was a 5 hour party - not like they aren't going to get their freakin' play time in, mm'kay? Guess who shows up at 9:45. AM. Shit!Kid. I had juuuuust gotten back from my walk (read: sweaty, stinky) and was blowing up balloons while Mr. S is vacuuming and straightening up. I look at the mom dumbfounded (she exists to satisfy her daughter's whining and to exercise and bleach her hair. And possibly put on a tan from a spray can. So she' totally going to be my new BFF [/sarcasm]) and the mom is faux shocked. "I thought it started at 10!" But... It isn't even 10, nitwit. "Well, Shebli (ugh) just couldn't wait. She just had to get here."

Did I fail to mention that she has her mother fucking cockapoo in her hand? She's the type that takes her dog EVERYWHERE. I fucking hate that. I don't want your dog in the restaurant I'm eating. Yes, I'm sure she's precious. But that isn't a Helper Dog, so get him the fuck home. And take that sweter and cap off your dog. Dumbass. So she BRINGS HER DOG INTO MY HOUSE. And wanders around my house. With her dog. Those that have been friends with my LJ for a while know I have cats. Four of them. And one is stricken with cancer. And is (rightfully) paranoid of dogs. SO they are freaked. And she just KEEPS WANDERING AROUND MY HOUSE. WITH HER DOG. ON THE FLOOR. TRACKING MY POOR CATS. So we ignore her. And I keep blowing up balloons. Finally, I say, "Well, I really need to finish here and shower. Because the party starts in an hour. So..." Smile. (I'm still Southern.) "Oh, my gosh! Okay, well, when should I pick her up?" (Now.) "Well, the invite says 3:30." (HINT.)

I ignore Shit!Kid who proceeds to my daughter's room to pick it apart (her mommy just had someone "do" her room, you see.) and clean up. Then the other girls show up. And they are JUST LIKE my kid. Basically, I like them a lot. Fun, silly, girly, but tomboys underneath the cute capris and flippy tops. Nice. We get in the car to drive to the theater, and they play the "I have" game. "I've gone horseback riding." "Well, I've..." You get the idea. My kid talks about going to Utah and going rock climbing with my BFF. And they were honest-to-god climbing up a 5.11b (for those that know rock climbing). So Number 2 is telling this tale and Shit!Kid (who is sniffing and poo-poohing everything - bitch) and gets a smirk, taps her lip, and says in a condescending, sing-song voice, "Number 2? you know how I can aaaalways tell that you are lying? Because you touch your mouth when you talk?" Smirksmirksmirk. It was ALL I could do to not pull over and yank her hair. I caught her reflection in my rear-view mirror and said back, "Shelbi? Don't talk to my daughter like that. She *DID* go rock climbing, and she *HAS* done such and such (other things in the brag game) and I don't appreciate your tone. You need to watch your mouth, young lady." *motherglare*

The other girls? Smirking. Because Shit!Kid was taken down a notch. Publicly. The rest of the day was spent with the other girls elbowing out Shit!Kid and her playing "look at me!" Ha fucking ha. SO PLEASED. And (of COURSE) she whines about everything. "Mrs Morrison?" (pinch your nose and speak like you're a female Cartman) "If I don't have popcorn and Sprite at the movies, I get sick." "Mrs Morrison? My seat isn't very nice. I want to sit there." (Where one of the quieter girls was sitting) "Mrs. Morrison? I don't eat hot dogs. Or cake. Or ice cream."

My response? To all of her whining? "Well. You just aren't going to have much fun today, are you?"

Heh heh. So. If I took Shit!Kid back in time, you KNOW who she'd be, right? NELLIE fucking OLSEN. ESPECIALLY the Nellie from the show. not really pretty, but her mom puts the fine feathers on her in hope of making this do-do squawk. The other girls got hugs and extra treats in their goodie bags when they left. I just held the door for shit!kid. And they are leaving our school. HA HA!

As an aside, we saw "Kicking and Screaming" with Will Farrell. Not the best movie for 8 year old girls. But it was okay. EXCEPT. I am a disgusting person because I had a girl crush on one of the 11 year old boys from Italy on the team. OMG, so hot! And his moves! *swoon* And we all got chills at the Harry Potter trailer. OMG, this summer is going to be when I asplode: Star Wars (I decided to hold off until Stoneyfest), War of the Worlds, Hayry Potter - book AND movie, Batman... OMG, be still my nerdy heart...

Mr. Stoney started adding Bourbon to his Coke as soon as we got back from the movies. I held off on the margaritas until 4, when everyone was gone and the house was put back into some semblance of order.

In other news, I'm working on writing up the Buffy Mix, am burning the Faith CDs, will make massive post office trip (so far I have 14 people wanting the mix, 3 CDs each, not to mention the "back orders" for the other mizes - meep!) at a later date. Am prepping for Star Wars with Stoney (Stoney Wars? Ego much?), have sprayed fish emulsion on all growing things, so I smell goooooooood. Like a bloody armpit that has carried a few dead fish across the desert. YUM. Off to shower, then I have a personal post to my Number 2 to make, because I love that kid with one third of my heart. Wait. One fourth (sorry, honey.) She gets an entire ventricle. Or atrium. One of those chambers.

Lastly, but not least, today is another of my most favorite people in all of LJ: dusty273. Mari, just thinking about you being in the world makes me happy. you are such a lovely person, so beautiful, smart, sweet, a good mommy to your beautiful twins, and a good daughter, aunt, PERSON. I love wearing my headband (as does No. 2) and listening to my Mari Mix. Think about you often, and it always brings a smile to my face. *smooches you* Mix coming... soon.
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